Waiting in the Wings
by flutesrtooty
Summary: After walking away from Bella, Edward goes to great lengths to ensure Bella's safety as a human. But they must both learn that they cannot control destiny... and each silent, calculated decision brings them closer to an unrealized, unexpected fate.
1. September 2005

I. September 2005

"_No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently." –Agnes De Mille_

To the human ear, the Cullen household was presumably silent. Alice Cullen sat at the computer desk in the living room, reviewing Roberto Cavalli's winter collection in anticipation of the holidays. Jasper was on the couch a few feet away, reading the psychology text he received yesterday in the mail. Precisely every four seconds, he turned the page; he was reading slowly, trying to make the book last him longer than an hour. Rosalie sat at the vanity in her bedroom, brushing her hair and looking at herself as usual, and Emmett was perusing the latest issue of Field & Stream on their bed. Carlisle was in his study, researching a case for the hospital and Esme kneeled on the front walk, weeding the garden along the pathway. All was peaceful except for Edward pacing in his room.

"I swear Jasper, if he doesn't make his mind up soon, I'm going to go crazy." Alice huffed, turning away from the computer to look at her husband. "All I get are glimpses. Constantly. Of everywhere and nowhere at the same time and even for me, it's unbelievably distracting."

"Cut him some slack, Alice. He's in a great deal of pain," was Jasper's hushed reply to his wife. "The anguish he's feeling right now—I've only felt it one other time in my life."

It was implicitly understood that Edward's pain was as unbearable as the first time vampire venom ran through Jasper Hale's human veins. She stuttered in disbelief while Jasper remained rigid. The pain was only getting worse. It wasn't physical pain, which he sometimes felt flashes of, but pure and unadulterated emotional anguish. Jasper had no idea a being could inflict such self-hatred upon himself.

Alice gasped when, finally, Edward came to a decision. Her eyes glassed over, and while she realized her brother's entire world was crashing around them, the house remained peaceful and quiet. With Alice's comprehension of her vision, the anguish Jasper felt increased ten-fold.

"I couldn't see it then," she murmured, heartbroken. "But I do now—he's leaving… we're leaving. Oh, Edward, this will break her even more than it will break you," she said, more to herself than her brother who could undoubtedly hear her from his room upstairs. "What can I do to change this?" She looked up, asking her husband.

Jasper shrugged. Even with his strategic expertise and psychological abilities, he knew once Edward's mind was made up, little could be done. And although he wasn't just giving up, Jasper's own guilt did not help the backflow of guilt and self-disgust emanating from the second floor.

The house was now charged with electricity. Every member of the family had heard Alice and Jasper's quick exchange, and they paused, unintentionally holding their breath, waiting for some sort of declaration, a commotion to announce whatever extreme decision Edward had come to in the past thirty seconds.

Edward emerged from his room for the first time in nearly twenty-four hours. He crossed the hall to Carlisle's study and tapped the wooden doorframe, unnecessarily announcing his presence.

"You said you were interested in a position in Ithaca. Perhaps you could see about procuring it?"

If this came as any surprise to Carlisle, there was no indication when he spoke calmly aloud.

"Son, if it is your decision to leave her, I will not argue it. But I pray you have considered all other avenues before resorting to this one."

Alice could hear Rosalie hiss angrily—although it seemed directed more towards Edward than anyone—and Emmett accidentally ripped a page from the magazine he was reading. Jasper could feel Esme's immediate despair as she placed the trowel beside her and stood to join her husband. Alice and Jasper stood as well, and Rosalie and Emmett came to the hallway.

Edward looked at them wearily, the defeat and fatigue on his face remnant of another time in his life, a darker and more debasing time. Behind his expression, his eyes begged for reprieve—he looked as though he was burning alive. "I apologize if I'm inconveniencing you in any manner. It would be prudent if we left quickly and without warning, so let me know as soon as this will be possible." He spoke politely, but expressionlessly—not as though he were addressing his family members. "If you'll excuse me, I have some matters to attend to."

Rosalie growled at him. "I may not approve of her because of what you are and what she is, but this is inexcusable, Edward—human or not. Your mother raised you better than this, and Carlisle and Esme taught you better." Emmett made a motion to hold her back, obviously afraid of Edward's temper at odds with his wife's audacity. However, Edward made no such response. Rosalie's anger flared as she anticipated a classic Edward retort, but there was only emptiness in his eyes. If the concept weren't so ridiculous, it seemed to Jasper as though Edward hadn't enough energy to fight back.

Mournfully, he looked directly into Rosalie's eyes. "I am putting her safety above my selfish wants. I see no reason to justify my personal decisions with you, Rose."

The Cullen household returned to silence once again—it was almost as though the exchange had never come to pass. Jasper might have questioned whether the last minute had even existed in time, if it weren't for the charged emotional climate in the house. Every member of the family was tense; anger, hurt, despair, and guilt raged through the house. He knew in that single, muted moment Edward made his decision, the Cullen family dynamic had been changed irrevocably.


	2. October 2005

.II.

October 2005

"Music and silence combine strongly because music is done with silence, and silence is full of music." -Marcel Marceau

* * *

Dr. and Mrs. Cullen,

Enclosed are the official transcripts of your adoptive children. On behalf of the faculty and staff of Fork High School, I wish you the best of luck in Los Angeles. There is no doubt that your children will do well with any endeavor in high school and afterwards. There should be no problems transferring any of the credits, however you should be aware that Edward's class-cutting habit might not be as well received at his new high school.

Good Luck,

Mrs. Cope

FHS Secretary

* * *

Carlisle placed the secretary's letter into a file folder neatly entitled Forks, WA and returned the file to its home among countless other folders, representing the countless other towns he had inhabited since his second life began. Some folders, mostly the ones with European names on them, contained papers older than the Declaration of Independence. Those were carefully preserved. Others, like Forks, WA, and Rochester, NY, were thick and contained trivial information such as high school transcripts and college admissions letters. Carlisle kept careful record of every town they resided in and he had more high school diplomas in his possession than he cared to admit.

The doctor nearly laughed out loud when he reflected on the last sentence of Mrs. Cope's letter. While each of the younger members of his family held tendencies to brush off class once in a while, even on the cloudy days, Edward routinely skipped his lessons. Carlisle suspected it was because of his ability—he couldn't imagine it was very easy to hear the thoughts of hundreds of hormonal teenagers all at once, and Edward needed distractions to keep his sanity.

Before the influenza hit Chicago, all of those years ago, Carlisle had treated Edward for what he now knew to be migraines. He suspected these migraines were somewhat related to the ability he now had. Even as a teenager, it appeared as though Edward was tuned into the inane and trivial thoughts of his peers. Even Carlisle was aware that Edward, always acting older than his years, desperately yearned to escape his hormonal counterparts by fighting overseas as a soldier. All he wanted was to be miles and miles from the thoughts.

Ironically, when Edward missed class he was never more than a few hundred yards away from the thoughts, listening to music in his car.

Music was Edward's own form of silence—an escape from the voices he heard when everyone else heard nothing. Carlisle knew Edward found it difficult to tune out the voices in everyday life, but music soothed Edward's soul and allowed his mind to relax itself of its sixth sense.

Which was why Carlisle was worried. Since their departure from Forks in the third week of September, Edward hadn't turned on a single stereo or mp3 player.

Carlisle doubted Edward realized just how much the absence of his music affected the household—their new house in Ithaca seemed muted. If music was playing in the car or through their home entertainment system, he turned it off. Carlisle suspected half of this was Edward's unconscious decision to protect himself from any reminders of Bella, but the other half was nearly masochistic. Edward was denying himself the one reprieve from the ability he sometimes called an affliction. Without music, Edward remained painfully aware of what he wasn't: human.

Carlisle had known the transition would be difficult. He just couldn't fully understand the situation. He knew there was a reason behind Bella, a naïve young human girl, explosively walking into their lives. God was testing Edward as well as the rest of them. Being a spiritual man, Carlisle knew this.

But what was the lesson to be learned here?

Surely, God could not intend for Edward to find the strength to deny himself this one true happiness—a soul mate? Carlisle could not believe in his heart that God would intend for one soul to endure the pain of an eternity without his mate. Even in the times of hellfire and brimstone, Carlisle's God had always been compassionate and even-handed, with reason for everything. He had to believe that his God wouldn't subject a pure soul like Edward's to such pain if there weren't reason. The ends would justify the means, and in this case, Carlisle prayed that this lesson would be 'love conquers all.'

Edward growled from the garage, where he was assisting Rosalie with a new carburetor for the Viper. Carlisle had nearly forgotten he was home, and for a moment felt ashamed that Edward had heard his musings.

_Edward, do you truly believe God has forsaken Bella as well? That he would deny her such a perfect and unfaltering love?_

He tensed when his son growled again at him. He could hear Rosalie questioning him, and Edward brushing off her curiosity.

_You must believe that He is testing you. Will you overcome His obstacles with grace and dignity? Or will you attempt to change God's plan to suit your own masochistic tastes? Edward, you have a good soul. You were meant to love and be happy. _

His son, his beloved son who was no longer happy, responded with a hiss. Carlisle knew then that his trial would be long and drawn-out, not because God wanted it to be so, but because of Edward's stubborn nature. His son's faith in God and love had already been broken, and it crushed Carlisle to know that Edward's spirit would soon follow.

**AN:** Thanks for reading! I do appreciate reviews :) Also, so you are aware, this is a piece (approx. 18 chapters) that I have already completed. However, I'm in the process of revising it heavily, which will explain for the time between posting each chapter.


	3. November 2005

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. No copyright infringement of any kind is intended.

_"Yet Esme couldn't help blaming herself for Edward leaving their family for the second time. If she could convince him he deserved Bella's love, her family could be happy and whole again."_

III. November 2005

To my family,

I apologize for my behavior this past month. My actions and words have been infantile and you don't deserve this. For this reason, and for my inexcusable conduct last night, I have made the decision to leave Ithaca for an extended period of time. I have made arrangements to stay with Alistair in England for a few months, working on a project of my own with his help.

To Carlisle and Esme: you have been better parental figures in this life than I could ever ask or wish for. Don't think for one moment you could have changed things; I have my own fate to carry out. I love you both very much, and I'm praying my absence will take no longer than necessary.

To Rosalie—I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you last night. It was uncalled for and I said most of it in anger. Contrary to what I said, I will miss you, and I'm asking you to please keep the Aston-Martin and Volvo tuned-up for me while I'm gone. And to Emmett, I'm deeply sorry for destroying your game system. I shouldn't have let my temper get the best of me. I've ordered another system for you—it won't be released in the States for another six months, but it should be arriving sometime next week.

Alice and Jasper—I feel as though it is you who I have inconvenienced the most through this ordeal. I apologize for this, and I hope my absence gives you some of the peace you deserve. Jasper, please stop blaming yourself for what has happened. This was something I would have decided to do regardless of what happened at the party. Alice, I'm begging you to stop looking out for Bella's future. You are not to communicate with her, or return to Forks for any reason. I just want her to have a normal life—and we cannot give her that.

I will keep in touch. If you need to reach me, you can e-mail or call me, or send your letters to Alistair's address.

Forever a Cullen,

Edward

* * *

It was inconvenient sometimes, to be stuck in the mind of a seventeen year old.

Esme wondered sometimes if Edward's body had been given a few years to mature, whether his temper would have been more manageable. Sometimes, he seemed much like the child that he appeared to be. For example, last night, when he completely destroyed the gaming system that Emmett had been innocently playing. His temper left him unable to brush off the snide, uncalled-for comments from Rosalie while they sat in the living room, and Esme had honestly been scared for her daughter's life when she pushed Edward over the edge. Not that it wouldn't have been deserved.

And now, sometime in the silence of the night, Edward had abruptly decided to abandon Ithaca for London. A city on a continent an ocean away. A decision only a teenager would have been content making so quickly and irrationally.

She briefly wondered whether Edward had ever even seen London. But she didn't like to think about the time Edward had spent away from her and Carlisle in those early years.

Esme spent her nights worrying that Edward had been left emotionally inept because he was changed so young. At seventeen, one is still discovering their place in the world, and he had never even considered the concept of love; his world was filled with war and patriotism and fighting. It was true that Alice was the same age, but her human life was so drastically different, and her abilities left her with a different understanding of the world. Esme suspected Edward's gift, his ability to hear the deepest, most intimate thoughts of the people around him left him even more cynical of love and the emotions that accompanied it.

Whereas the love shared between the coupled Cullens was inexplicably simple and just as immortal as they were, human attraction was, more often than not, shallow, fleeting, and more complex than needed. Edward often saw more of the lustful sides of relationships, rather than the tender but passionate side Esme was certain existed in the mortal world. To an extent, Edward believed that humans were unable to love the way the Cullens did, but Esme knew he had dismissed thoughts of passion and devotion as loyalty and lust.

Now that Edward was gone, she deeply regretted not speaking to her son about this subject. Edward's cynical-seventeen-year-old mentality left him believing that Bella's love for him could be extinguished with his absence. What Edward didn't realize was their love was so pure and fierce that something so simple as different species couldn't get in the way. Bella knew this. But Edward was still in denial, and until he came to terms with this, he would be caught in this endless circle of despair and loneliness.

Which led her back to her original thoughts upon reading Edward's dramatic farewell note. How inconvenient it must be, to be stuck in the body of a seventeen year old.

She knew they were fickle sometimes with their belongings, splurging their endless amounts of money on ostentatious cars and clothing and the newest technology. Despite being near a century old, they were just children playing with their new toys.

But still, the biggest pitfall of being stuck in time was just that—being caught by the sleeve of your shirt on a branch in the forest and no matter how hard you tug and run, you find yourself standing in the same place you were ten minutes ago. Edward was caught in the same hole as he was ninety years ago, and he needed this escape to London to convince himself he wasn't just running in circles. Yet Esme couldn't help blaming herself for Edward leaving their family for the second time. If she could convince him he deserved Bella's love, her family could be happy and whole again.

A/N: I know this chapter seems a bit short and sweet, but I'm using these few months as an opportunity to hear the Cullens' perspective of Bella and Edward's separation. November was Esme's month- and she's very quick and to the point. As the storyline progresses, we will grow out of the letter/perspective format into a closer focus on the protagonists.


	4. December 2005

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own Twilight. No copyright infringement of any kind is intended.

_"Rosalie wondered if it was a sin to wish Bella were placed in the same situation Emmett had been in seventy years ago. It would make life, and, morbidly enough, death, so much simpler."_

IV. December 2005

Edward-

You've always had a flair for the dramatic, haven't you? Alice told me you've been waiting for just the right moment to decide to up and leave—and you chose to make me the scapegoat. You're such a gentleman.

I know you're hurting, but you must understand how much you've hurting us by leaving Ithaca. I'm not sure you realize just how much you hold the family together. And exactly how were we supposed to explain away a missing 16-year-old boy?

It's pointless to attempt persuasion, but we miss you. You know I didn't really mean all of those things I said about your prudish behavior. And while I do disagree with the decisions you made concerning Bella and your relationship, you also know I don't feel that way about Bella. She is a lovely girl, and quite honestly, a disgustingly perfect match for you. Come to your senses soon, before some dog of a man snatches her up.

Alice refuses to write (she's furious at you) but wants me to tell you that Bella keeps popping up in her visions and she's in pretty bad shape. Also, she's been getting some interesting visions involving James's mate, Victoria, and Forks. Nothing to worry about (before you put yourself in a panic) but it's possible she may have a vendetta against us. When we were still in Forks, you mentioned her. Perhaps you should look a little further into that; she could make Forks a dangerous place for anybody—including Bella.

Christmas is coming soon, and I can't play the carols with the same extravagant, over-the-top flourishes. Arguing with Emmett and Jasper isn't the same as our banter either. Your Christmas gift from Emmett and me is in the mail; you should receive it soon. Say you'll be home for the holidays, and I'll owe you for the next fifty Christmases.

-Rosalie

* * *

Rosalie signed the final perfect flourish in her name with a sigh. All she really wanted for Christmas was her family reunited, and Edward was thoroughly screwing that up.

She knew this was selfish and she knew she was vain. Rosalie's vanity was perhaps the one negative aspect about this life she had come to terms with. Yes, she was self-absorbed but she was also beautiful and intelligent. Her conceit wasn't unfounded, and she didn't care if people believed she was shallow. The only people who mattered in this world were her family, who knew her vanity extended to include them. And whether she liked it or not, Edward was part of her family.

Rosalie actually missed Edward. Nobody except the two fully realized the strange bond they had, especially considering how much she had resented him in the early years of her life—for rejecting her, for invading her shallow mind in its most vulnerable state, for leaving her.

The world was a different place back then, and even though they weren't romantically involved, he begrudgingly volunteered to be her escort, if only for good appearances. Even when it came to hunting, Rosalie and Edward had remained together. Despite getting along like oil and water, they were still companions.

The afternoon Rosalie found Emmett, they had argued for over a half an hour in the woods, and Edward had left her behind. When she stubbornly decided to seek out a bear by herself, she wasn't expecting to find a helpless human barely hanging onto life after being mercilessly mauled by the same bear Rosalie had wanted for her own meal.

She saw red—not because of the human blood freely flowing on the ground before her, but because Edward had left her, and in that moment, she needed his advice more than she wanted to admit.

It had been the most difficult thing in her second life—worse than leaving those bodies on the streets of Rochester undrained, still affecting her even after their death. It had also been her most selfless act as she gathered up strength only Edward knew she had and scooped up the nearly lifeless man in her arms. His blood had been so tempting, but she ignored the pull long enough to find Edward and then Carlisle. Convincing Carlisle had been simple enough, especially when he saw the inexplicable affect the man's boyish personality had on Rosalie. She was… strangely attached to this human. It wasn't difficult now for Rosalie to compare her attraction to Emmett with Edward's relationship with Bella.

In retrospect, Rosalie's respect for Edward was born during the following three days, while Emmett screamed. Edward knew she was angry, and he felt enormously guilty for abandoning her. He sat with her while each agonizing minute passed, comforting her and convincing her that she had done what was right, that she wasn't damning him.

Edward and Rosalie were more alike than they cared to admit. She wished they weren't both such damn hypocrites. While their situations were nearly opposite (Bella had her whole life ahead of her, while Emmett was laid out on his deathbed), hadn't Rosalie done to Emmett what Bella had requested of Edward? She had begged Carlisle to change Emmett, to give them a chance for a life together before she even properly knew him. And yet, when Alice had off-handedly mentioned Bella's request to be changed, Rosalie had flown off the handle. In fact, it was what sparked the unforgettable fight the night Edward left.

She was ashamed, knowing that she could advocate Emmett's change while being vehemently against Bella's. It was perhaps her own vanity and selfishness which held her back; she had been robbed of a future that included babies and growing old, but Bella still had the opportunity and she wanted to throw it away.

If it was vanity that made her a hypocrite, Rosalie speculated that pride was Edward's flaw. She couldn't imagine it had never crossed Edward's mind how he had soothed Rosalie's conscience, convincing her that eternal life with Emmett wasn't damning him because they were meant to be together. Would he be so proud as to deny himself true love to maintain Bella's integrity? Rosalie had no doubts there. But had he lied to Rosalie seventy years ago, or was he lying to himself now? She couldn't know for certain.

She could hear Emmett walking up the hallway to their room, but she remained deep in thought, contemplating Edward's month-long absence and how she could possibly change it. She knew Edward's mind and logic was somewhere else, perhaps in a different dimension entirely, but the fickle side of her was getting tired of his childish antics. He needed to man up and realize that his head and his heart were saying the same things—the truth didn't change just because he didn't want to hear it.

Emmett came up behind her and kissed her blonde crown before wrapping his arms around her torso, reading over her shoulder.

"Trying to knock some sense into fickle Romeo?"

He looked at her inquisitively, and she sighed again, frustrated.

"Someone has to do the dirty jobs," she replied. "I only hope he comes to his senses and makes a decision. He can't just wait around for her to fall into death's path, can he?"

It was a question neither of them wanted answered.

Rosalie wondered if it was a sin to wish Bella were placed in the same situation Emmett had been in seventy years ago. It would make life, and, morbidly enough, death, so much simpler. If it ever came to that, Rosalie knew she would be there for Edward in a heartbeat, the way he had been there for her.

She smiled at Emmett. "Let's just hope he comes home soon."


End file.
